


A Night On The Town

by JohnAmendAll



Category: Sarah Jane Adventures
Genre: Community: dw_straybunnies, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-12
Updated: 2012-09-12
Packaged: 2017-11-14 03:04:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,748
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/510635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JohnAmendAll/pseuds/JohnAmendAll
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luke's date with Kelsey wasn't going well, even before the talking penguin in the trenchcoat showed up.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night On The Town

**Author's Note:**

> Having written [Traditional Christmas](http://archiveofourown.org/works/510634), where Kelsey agreed to go out on a date with Luke, I found myself wondering what happened to them.
> 
> Written for the [dw-straybunnies](http://dw-straybunnies.livejournal.com) [Twelve Prompts of Christmas](http://dw-straybunnies.livejournal.com/35395.html). Prompt 11, "Frobisher, penguin PI."

Luke Smith didn't have much experience with dates, but he was convinced beyond all doubt that this one wasn't going the way he'd have liked it to. His "I'm not with her" expression had never had so much use. 

"Y'know," Kelsey said, her mouth still full of trifle. "That first time we were in your mum's attic, all those years ago, remember what I said?" 

"I remember." 

"I said 'he's mine'. About you, Lukey-baby." As if her voice hadn't been loud enough already, she raised it another notch. "For an alien abomi, abommy, for an alien _spawn_ you're cute. In a sort of nerdy way, I mean." She finally swallowed the mouthful of trifle, retrieved her napkin, and dabbed at the general vicinity of her mouth. "Is there any more of that wine?" 

Luke looked at the bottle, wishing that there wasn't, but it was plain that there was. Though far less than there had been at the beginning of the evening; most of the balance was inside Kelsey, causing him no end of trouble. Her errors, of which she had made several, had not been on the side of restraint. Maybe after a few weeks, or months, or years, with Clyde's help, he'd be able to see the funny side. But for the last hour, all he'd wanted was for the floor to open and swallow him up. 

"Slosh it in, then," she hollered, waving her glass at him. 

"Are you sure it's a good idea?" 

"Doesn't matter, does it? I'm not driving." 

_At this rate, I'm not sure if she'll even be up to walking_ , Luke thought. The Bane had given him an excellent sense of taste, and he had found the wine, like the rest of the meal, well worth the money. But he didn't think Kelsey's interest lay in subtle hints of oak or fruity overtones. 

"Luke!" She dropped her voice to a stage whisper. "Luke, over there. Someone's looking at me." 

This didn't surprise Luke. Kelsey had chosen the restaurant, on the grounds that it was the rumoured haunt of a minor celebrity. But there was no question that tonight, the centre of attention was Kelsey herself. It would have taken something along the lines of Lady Gaga dancing on the tables to compete. 

"Maybe you should–" he began. Then he saw the look on her face. From amiable intoxication, it had gone to horror. 

"Luke, I need to get out of here," she said, pushing her chair back so hard it nearly toppled over. She jumped up, and made for the entrance door at a run. Luke gave chase at the best speed compatible with good manners, hurriedly assuring a nearby waiter that he'd be back in a moment. 

He'd half-expected to find Kelsey throwing up in the gutter. But instead, she was leaning against the wall of the restaurant, shivering. 

"I've had too much to drink," she said. "I need to go home." 

_That's the first sensible thing she's said all evening,_ Luke thought. He took her by the hand and asked "Kelsey, are you all right?" 

"No." Kelsey shook her head emphatically. "I'm not all right. I saw a penguin looking at me." 

"What, a real penguin? I mean, it wasn't just someone in fancy dress?" 

"Of course it was a real one!" Some of Kelsey's fire seemed to revive. "Two feet high, and it was wearing a long coat and a hat... like..." 

Her mouth moved soundlessly, and she pointed at the doorway of the restaurant. 

"What's the matter, doll?" a voice asked, from somewhere behind Luke, between waist and knee height. "You never seen a sphenisciform before?" 

Luke looked around and down. His eyes met the beady gaze of a penguin, clad as Kelsey had described, in a trenchcoat and fedora. 

"I don't think she's met one that talks before," he said politely. 

"Luke!" Kelsey's voice was a whisper. "You can _see_ it?" 

"Sure he can, lady," the penguin said. "Why shouldn't he? Large as life and twice as natural." 

"But..." Kelsey clutched her head. "A penguin shouldn't be wearing a coat like that!" 

"Less of the personal remarks, lady. I don't go round saying things like 'Got to watch that dress – one good cough and they'd fall out', do I?" 

"I think you just did," Luke said. 

"Only hypothetically, mister." The penguin glanced from Luke to Kelsey and back. "She's not your wife, is she? Only I've got a special rate for divorces at the moment." 

"Wife?" Kelsey repeated, sounding as if she couldn't believe what she'd just heard. "Do I look like his wife?" 

"Dames these days, you can't tell." The penguin folded his flippers, somehow making it look as if it was a casual action that seabirds performed all the time. "Anyway, miss, now we're all agreed I'm not a figment of your imagination, you can go back in there and finish your romantic evening with loverboy here." 

A sulky expression settled on Kelsey's face as she turned to Luke. "Not on your life. I want to go home. I don't know why I ever agreed to do this. Every time I get mixed up with you and your family, weird stuff happens." 

"Your coat's still in the restaurant," Luke said. "And your handbag." 

"Tell you what," the penguin said. "I'll keep an eye on her while you settle up with the folks in the joint. No skin off my beak." 

"Thank you, Mr..." 

"Frobisher." The penguin produced a rectangle of pasteboard from inside its coat, and handed it to him. "Private investigator, just in case you ever need one." 

Luke pocketed the card and disappeared back into the restaurant, leaving Kelsey alone with Frobisher. At first she stared fixedly across the street, trying as hard as she could to ignore his presence, while he whistled tunelessly and waddled to and fro on the pavement. Eventually, her patience cracked. 

"I give in," she said. "How can you be a detective? You're a bird!" 

"And you're a bird," Frobisher retorted. "Doesn't mean you couldn't be a detective, if you didn't want to." 

"But I mean... a bird bird. People would notice you. If you were following them and that." 

"Not if I didn't want them to. I can be inconspicuous, if I like. I gotta knack." 

"I don't believe you." 

Frobisher shook his head. "Don't think that'll make me give you a free demonstration, lady. I don't share my disguises with folk who aren't clients. Penguin's all you're getting." 

"I didn't even want a penguin." Kelsey put her hands to her head again. "What did I do to deserve this?" 

"You want the full list, or just the edited highlights?" Frobisher flipped through his notebook. "You've done plenty, lady. When loverboy comes out of there, you owe him a big smooch for everything you've put him through this evening. And no grabbing his keister when you give it him." 

"What _I've_ put him through? You stupid penguin, you've got no idea–" 

"No, I don't." Frobisher pushed his hat forward a little and lowered the tone of his voice. "But maybe if you aren't nice to him, I'll make it my business to find out. Like I said, there's lots I can learn when I put my mind to it." 

The warning note in his voice seemed to penetrate through the haze of alcohol that shrouded Kelsey's mind. 

"I don't want any trouble," she said sullenly. 

"Then you know what to do, don't you?" 

Kelsey sighed. "Yeah. I suppose I'd better call a cab, too. 'Cos I'm not in any state to get home on my own." 

When Luke emerged from the restaurant, it was to find Kelsey standing quietly by a waiting taxi. Frobisher was holding its door open for her. 

"Thank you for a wonderful evening, Luke," she said. By the sound of things, she was aiming for a polite, friendly tone, but the result came out somewhere between Victoria Beckham and Lady Constance de Coverlet. "I've had a lovely time, but I'd like to go home now." She glanced down at the penguin, then leaned forward and kissed Luke, a process which took some time. "See you around." 

Luke felt himself blushing. "And you." 

Kelsey took possession of her coat and handbag, attempted to climb into the taxi, and more or less tumbled backwards into the seat. With a cheerful "Take good care of her, now, Fred!" Frobisher pushed the door shut. The pair watched the taxi until it was out of sight. 

"You want my advice?" Frobisher asked. "You two really wouldn't be suited." 

"I know." Luke pulled his own coat on. "This whole evening was a stupid idea." 

"Why'd you do it, then?" The beady eyes were fixed on him again, this time with a particularly penetrating look. "Because in this business, you get to size people up pretty well – and whatever else you are, mister, I wouldn't say you're stupid." 

"I suppose I felt sorry for her." It wasn't something Luke would have admitted to his friends, or even his family. But some things were more easily said to strangers. "All she wants is to be a celebrity. The next Mirielle Owens." 

"Who?" 

"She won Search for a Star this year?" 

"Didn't watch that." Frobisher pushed his hat back. "Now, if you'd said she wanted to be the next Jedward..." 

Luke couldn't help smiling at the thought. "Anyway, all the time at school she went on about it. You know. Being famous and rich and having champagne parties. And now we've grown up and she's working in a shop. I thought maybe I could show her there was more she could do with her life. Not just wishing for things that couldn't possibly happen to her, and pretending the things that do happen to her aren't real." 

"And there I was thinking you just couldn't resist her dumplings." The penguin shook his head. "You meant well, kid, but there's no way it'd have worked out." 

"That's what Clyde said. He said there were only two ways this evening would end up. Disaster or sexy disaster." 

"Sounds like a guy with his head screwed on. Anyway, mustn't keep you." Frobisher turned away, then looked back. "So which d'you reckon it was?" 

Luke remembered the way she'd kissed him. "Sexy disaster. Definitely." 

Frobisher watched him cross the road and disappear into the illuminated portal of an underground station. 

"You're welcome, kid," he said, pulled his trenchcoat around him, and disappeared into the night. 


End file.
